Stockroom University 2013 Class Schedule – New Low Price!


Stockroom University is back in session and we have some very educational and enticing things lined up! We’re sure there will be a little something for everyone.

Even more exciting news, we’ve reduced the price to only $10 per class!!

Here’s a look at just a few of our upcoming courses ready for eager pupils:

Saturday, March 16th, 2013 3:00-6:00PM
Sexy Bondage
Tied Up by Nikki Nefarious

Rope bondage safety, choosing the right type of rope, energy play, ties, and positions for sexy bondage fun.  This is an interactive rope centric class for all, so bring your own rope for hands-on tutorials.


Saturday April 20th, 2013 7:00-10:00PM
FFabulous FFisting
Instructed by Damon Holzum

Live demo of fist-fucking and toys; covering proper preparation, the best positions, safety, how to get the most, lubes, clear communication, and the emotional and physical factors.


Saturday May 18th, 2013 5:00–8:00
Sensation Play
Stimulated by Mistress Serene

For individuals and couples; understand your body’s own stimulus response, how to heighten that pleasure, how to develop your erotic intelligence, and protect your emotional safety.


Saturday June 15th, 2013 3:00–6:00PM
Cock & Ball Torture
Implemented by Brian Dawson

Be willing to get naked with the rest of the group; and then discuss bondage, attachment, torment and torture of the male anatomy and experiment with your own equipment.–Ball-Torture-P4580.aspx

Readers Choice: Stockroom’s “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Bonus Contest

We enjoyed our “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” contest and all the great submissions so much, we thought we’d extend it for one more day and offer you the chance at a bonus prize- Readers Choice!

We’ve chosen 10 additional entries and we are giving you 24 hours to vote on your favorite.
The entry with the most votes, chosen by YOU will receive a $100 Stockroom Gift Certificate!

Each of the entries listed below has been titled and it’s up to you to comment on this post with the title of your favorite story.

Votes will be tallied and winner announced by 6PM PST on Feb 14th.

Thanks again to everyone that participated in the “Worst Valentine’s Ever Contest”!

Never Forget Your Trunk  – WINNER!

  • Everybody Loves a Teddy
  • The Road Trip to Perdition
  • Bit by the Love Bug
  • Un-Romancing the Stone
  • It’s Not Super Effective
  • Pandora’s Box
  • A Quaint, Rustic Getaway
  • Not-So-Special Delivery
  • Mistaken Identity

Expand this page to read all 10 entries!

Continue reading Readers Choice: Stockroom’s “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Bonus Contest

Announcing The Winners of’s “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Contest!

The past week we’ve heard from a lot of you, sharing your awkward tales of Valentine’s dates past and the days and nights that…didn’t quite turn out as planned.

We came together in deep discussion and mulled over the submissions to find the perfect stories that really captured that not-so-awesome feeling and after a much heated debate, the votes are in!

Ladies and gentleman, we present to you the winners for the “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever!”

A huge thank you to all the brave souls who were willing to share with us their anecdotes. We truly enjoyed reading all of them and we hope that this upcoming holiday, and every Valentine’s Day to come, is filled with very happy and very sexy memories.

    Grand Prize Gift Pack Winner –

Pitching a Tent

I have been married for years, and I love my husband, but our first Valentine’s Day takes the cake. We were young and in love and it was going to be a Valentine’s Day to remember. Our idealistic selves thought we would have more than enough love for just one day so we had plans to spread the holiday out over a few days.

We had booked a campsite by the beach for a relaxing week away. Yes, it is February and not all people are up for winter camping, but I’m no slouch when it comes to winter camping. Growing up, I was the girl that went on the Boy Scout trips with my brother and his troop.
However, it was camping in the South, so it was supposed to be in the 60s during the day, the 50s at night; a totally comfortable temperature.

Now, the day before we were slotted to leave, my husband and his best friend go out for drinks, my husband gets a little tipsy and asks his friend to drive home. Now his friend, let’s call him Bob, knows that the car is a little old and has been told every time he has been in the car not to open the driver side window. It could have been the booze or the time of night but Bob figured my husband needed some fresh air and rolled down the windows. When they got home, I found out that my husband had sobered up enough to realize the motor for the front window had finally died and that the window was stuck in the down position and was not moving. We taped a bag to the car and called it a night.

The next morning instead of getting up early and getting on the road like we were supposed to do, my husband sleeps in. In his early morning haze he tells me he wants to sleep in because we have plenty of time. This drives me crazy, but I figured, sure we have time what else could go wrong?

I shouldn’t have asked the question.

When my husband finally got up, in the afternoon, mind you, he called his father and they spent four hours trying to fix the window. At that point I’m a little antsy because we have several hours on the road and still have to set up the tent. My father-in-law generously offers to lend us his truck: it has wheels and will get us where we need to go (it has no radio). We put all of our things into the back bed of the truck and hit the road.

My husband and I enjoy taking road trips together, but as soon as we hit the interstate I’m out like a light. I wake up after 8PM as we are almost to the campground. We set up our big six person tent, for the two of us. I put a tarp up over the tent as they are expecting a little rain over the next few days and then try to start a fire. This might have all been very romantic if the wind wasn’t gusting and blowing out the attempts at starting a fire. Instead of a warm fire to snuggle up in front and warming up our freeze dried dinner, we had to use cold water in our freeze dried dinner. And let me tell you cold water is NOT good in freeze dried food, it gets the job done but the taste leaves A LOT to be desired. We decided that if the wind was going to keep us from cooking over a fire the next day we would go out and get a camp stove to make life a little easier. With that we called it a night so we could get back on the road early in the morning and get into town for better supplies.

We get up early and drive into town to head to the local big box store. I sent him in to get a few necessities we forgot, condoms, as well the camp stove. I know I should have expected something was up when my husband came out of the store with a smirk on his face but he got in the car gave me a kiss and handed me a cactus.

To be clear, I have one request for Valentine’s Day as well as my birthday, flowers. For whatever reason, he thinks that flowers are supposed to be a surprise, so instead of getting me what I ask for he gets me a cactus. I ask “Why a cactus, why not flowers?”, and Mr. Sensitivity says that I shouldn’t be able to kill the cactus. I sigh heavily; when a girl wants flowers for Valentine’s Day she wants flowers.

My husband had thoughtfully found an art house theater, in the area that was playing a foreign film. The movie was billed as a love story about a two people from Hong Kong that moved to the US to go to school, that was heartwarming and quirky. The movie was “supposedly” a Chinese love story, I say supposedly because it was awful. At this point all I can remember is it was about Communist in bell bottoms and abortions, it was awful and not a heartwarming love story in the slightest. We were in the theater on a Valentine’s Day date and after about an hour of this horrible movie we were bound and determined to make the best of the situation. We started making out in the theater but the talk of abortions in the background was just too much. I suggested we leave and my husband agreed. We made it back to the campsite just in time to miss the sunset over the water, but we were not to be deterred. We were going to have a sexy romantic Valentine’s Day if it killed us, I mean we didn’t get those condoms for nothing. I do a sexy strip tease for my husband that ends with me gingerly tearing open the condom and rolling it down over his penis.

Fast forward not even 5 thrusts later and I hear “Oh, no”. Immediately my mind goes to the talk of abortions in the movie, did he come and the condom rip? To my relief and just a little horror, no, the condom had just come off. Apparently the brand was not his usual but instead of coming off nicely or realizing what had happened it came off inside me with one thrust and the next seemed to get it solidly logged somewhere near my cervix. This lead to what we now lovingly refer to as the “condom fishing game”. Both he and I proceeded to try and find the condom and get it out of my vagina for what seemed like hours, but was probably no more than a few minutes. At this point we didn’t have the mental willpower to want to continue so we called it a night.

The next morning was our last full day of our Valentines vacation, we got up early and cuddled as we listened to water droplets bounce off the tent. As it was getting cold outside we took the campstove into the tent to cook breakfast, no sooner than we finished cooking did we hear the water droplets go from little splats of water to little thuds of ice.

Sure it was cold but we had full plates and hoped to have full bellies but that was not to be the case. The winds picked up and started to buffet the tent, then without warning crack a tent pole snapped and the tent collapsed on our heads. We tossed on our jackets over our PJs and tried to get things together and put them in the truck. With the bitter cold temperatures and the gale force winds we gave up and just lifted the tent as a whole into the back of the truck. My husband tried to get the tarp I tied up down but with the wind and cold his fingers just could not undo the knots, eventually with a little help from me we got it down and into the bed of the truck. We piled into the cab turned the heat on high and looked at each other trying to figure out what to do next.

We still had another day at the campsite but now we had no tent and the wintery mix was starting to stick to the ground. I had family that lived close enough that we could get to them within an hour so we made the call that going to spend the last romantic day with family was better than staying at the campsite.

Upon arriving we were stripped out of our cold wet clothes and given warm blankets and tubs of warm water to soak our extremities in. We were thankful for the warmth. By the afternoon the temperature had completely shifted and the ground had melted and the birds were out and chirping, tweeting about how the day was beautiful almost rubbing in the fact that without the tent we couldn’t enjoy camping. It was now about 70 degrees and beautiful.

I felt bad that we didn’t have a smooth Valentine’s Day vacation and our last night was going to be spent on the pull out couch at my family’s home. I wanted to do something nice, something I though my husband would love. I knew I could make fettuccine alfredo: he loves it, I love it, what could go wrong?

I put the noodles on the stove and started on the sauce. Just when I thought we were on a clear path, the top to the garlic powder fell off dumping the entire contents of the jar into the pan. I tried to get out as much as I could but the sauce just soaked it up. The sauce still smelled good and we are both big garlic fans. I thought I might have salvaged it enough for it to be palatable, and it was palatable if not a bit garlicky.

OH, the unintended consequence. We could find each other in the dark for days after we reeked of garlic that much. The family even commented that they thought we had spilled garlic in the living room it was so strong oozing out of our pores.

We went home the next day more frazzled than when we left, it wasn’t the romantic getaway that we had planned. It was an unmitigated disaster. The only upside is that we are still together and with time, a lot of time, we have come to laugh at just how awful that memorable Valentine’s was.

    2nd Place $50 Gift Certificate Winner –

The Show Must Go On

This doubles as not only my worst Valentine’s, but also the worst date I’ve EVER been on.

My boyfriend’s uncle was playing a background part in a local production of the opera Carmen. Kenny told me that he had free tickets because of it and wanted to take me for Valentine’s. I got so excited because I love the opera and had always wanted to go to a live show and thought it would be great for a VDay date. I was proven incredibly wrong.

Here I am, dressed to kill, waiting to be picked up. It’s not his car that picks me up. It’s his aunt, with him in the passenger seat. I asked about dinner and was told that both of them had already eaten, so there were no plans to eat at all. We got to the venue, where he takes me to the ticket counter and tells me that I had to purchase my own ticket. I asked about the free tickets he said he had. “Oh, yeah. We got two free tickets, one for me and the other for my aunt. I never had a third one for you.” I didn’t have the money to buy my own ticket. When I explained this to him, his response was the most embarrassing thing I think anyone could do. He started panhandling to complete strangers to get me a ticket. I couldn’t believe it. He somehow was able to gather up the money to buy me the ticket, but every part of me didn’t want to stay there. Anyway, so the show starts, and i’m in the most amazing seat, except that I’m nowhere near the boyfriend and the aunt. I was however, dead center on the bottom floor, right about in the middle of the rows. Not too far forward or too far backwards. Just perfect. However, I decided that it would be more appropriate though, if I were sitting with my own company. So after intermission, I went to sit with them…only to find that I was at the very back of the right wing and could barely see a thing. “free tickets for family” apparently meant all the seats they knew they’d never fill. The worst part of everything was afterwards, when I confronted him about how terrible the night was, he didn’t see how he’d done anything wrong.

    3rd Place $25 Gift Certificate Winner –

Three’s Company

My worst valentines day was three years ago. My boyfriend at the time invited me over for what I thought was a romantic evening. When I got there, I discovered he had also invited a close gal friend of ours. This girl also happened to be a school crush of his back in the day. We had a few drinks, and started playing a game called what the f*ck (a question game where you have to choose your most desired result of some very off the wall scenario). It was halfway through the scenario, the question was ‘would you still have sex with your high school crush, even if you were with someone at the time’. He looked her dead in the face, and said yes. She stared at him, clearly appauled, then looked at me with a look of fear and apology. After a few moments of awkward silence, I got up, dumped both my drink and my ashtray in his lap, flicked him off, and stormed out. I made sure to drop and crush the box of chocolates he had bought me into his creme colored carpet too. Our gal friend texted me 20 mins later, asked if she could come over and talk. When she showed up apologizing and in tears, she proceeded to tell me that I hadn’t even left his driveway, and he had tried to kiss her. Smart move wise guy. Needless to say, neither of us talked to him again.

We were also inspired to give a consolation gift to this entry. As a second chance for this couple, we’re sending them our new BedSpread Under Bed Bondage Straps and a set of cuffs!

Showing Restraint

So a few years ago my now fiance and I decided to try BDSM. For valentine’s day. I spent weeks saving up money to buy some semi decent gear. We had the basics like silk ties but I just never did enjoy light bondage. I remember specifically buying an under the bed restraint system because we could easily set it up in a hotel room during our limited time together. There were a few other things like a small crop and collar that were basic and cheap but for a college student they cost a small fortune.

Well Valentine’s day rolls around and I get in my little car to drive the hour and a half to see him. I buy the hotel room for the day and set up everything before going to pick him up for a romantic lunch. At this point everything is pretty much going as planned. Then suddenly it wasn’t.

Between me calling to say I had reached town and actually arriving at his dorm he had gotten another phone call. His grandfather had passed away. We spent the day curled up on a couch. A hotel room full of bondage gear he never got to see. It was great that I was there to console him, but truly, it was a terrible way to spend Valentine’s day.

The worst part? Going back to the tiny hotel and packing up all the gear back in my bag and turning the keycard in early and telling the owner that the room didn’t even need to be cleaned. I don’t remember what I told her but I think she assumed I had been stood up. The next time we went back to the hotel she was thrilled to see we had “made up” and gave us the room at a ridiculous discount. The gear we had saved up so much money for went to my best friend. We just couldn’t look at it or use it without being reminded of that Valentine’s day. She still uses the under the bed restraint system. One day we will have to get around to purchasing another one, to actually use this time around.

Stockroom “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Contest – Even More Entries!

This weekend is your last chance to enter our “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” contest! Here are more melancholy missives to get your creative juices flowing:

Un-Romancing the Stone

Well without a doubt it was 1990. I was all set for an evening of romance and of course deliciously wicked sex. I had picked up a few new toys, and nice bottle of wine, and of course chocolates. My ex had sent our son to the grandparents, made dinner and picked up a video for after. All day at work I had thoughts of what the fun we were going to have that evening. Diner was excellent, we were having a great time and then she went and popped in the video into the VCR. The screen flickered and I wondered what we were about to watch, would it be a classic romance? a porn? NOOOOO it was perhaps the least romantic film I have ever seen, it was the 1989 film War of the Roses. It is a black comedy about a wealthy couple with a seemingly perfect marriage. When their marriage begins to fall apart, material possessions become the center of an outrageous and bitter divorce battle. Needless to say there was no sexy time that night. The moral of the story is never let her pick the film.

It could have been worse. She could have picked ‘Hoffa’ or ‘Jack the Bear.’

The Show Must Go On

This doubles as not only my worst Valentine’s, but also the worst date I’ve EVER been on.

My boyfriend’s uncle was playing a background part in a local production of the opera Carmen. Boyfriend told me that he had free tickets because of it and wanted to take me for Valentine’s. I got so excited because I love the opera and had always wanted to go to a live show and thought it would be great for a VDay date. I was proven incredibly wrong.

Here I am, dressed to kill, waiting to be picked up. It’s not his car that picks me up. It’s his aunt, with him in the passenger seat. I asked about dinner and was told that both of them had already eaten, so there were no plans to eat at all. We got to the venue, where he takes me to the ticket counter and tells me that I had to purchase my own ticket. I asked about the free tickets he said he had. “Oh, yeah. We got two free tickets, one for me and the other for my aunt. I never had a third one for you.” I didn’t have the money to buy my own ticket. When I explained this to him, his response was the most embarrassing thing I think anyone could do. He started panhandling to complete strangers to get me a ticket. I couldn’t believe it. He somehow was able to gather up the money to buy me the ticket, but every part of me didn’t want to stay there. Anyway, so the show starts, and i’m in the most amazing seat, except that I’m nowhere near the boyfriend and the aunt. I was however, dead center on the bottom floor, right about in the middle of the rows. Not too far forward or too far backwards. Just perfect. However, I decided that it would be more appropriate though, if I were sitting with my own company. So after intermission, I went to sit with them…only to find that I was at the very back of the right wing and could barely see a thing. “free tickets for family” apparently meant all the seats they knew they’d never fill. The worst part of everything was afterwards, when I confronted him about how terrible the night was, he didn’t see how he’d done anything wrong.

We’re guessing that this Night at the Opera was followed by A Night in the Doghouse.

Don’t miss out on your chance to win over $400 worth of great prizes, including the brand new Red and Black Neon Wand! Everyone who enters gets something, so turn your misery into profit today! Contest ends at 11:59PM PST this Sunday night!

Stockroom “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Contest – Tales Continue!

Another day, another holiday horror story from our faithful followers! In fact, 2 of them! These tickled our fancy enough that we wanted to share them with you!

Think you can beat these mortifying memories with your own cautionary recollection? Send your entries to by 11:59PM PST Sunday night to be entered to win the grand prize (worth over $400) or one of our runner-up prizes. Everyone who submits an eligible entry will receive something, so what do you have to lose?

It’s Not Super-Effective…

“As I’m trying to write this story, I don’t know where to begin. Perhaps the best way to start this is to say that this was the day I decided to give up my virginity. We dated for months and I thought Valentine’s day would just be the perfect time. He was an über nerd, but luckily he was a nerd at a time where being nerdy started being hot. He was popular with the ladies, but he had his eyes out on fresh meat. He paid for a room downtown, in front of the light-rail. Second floor all the way in the end of the hallway. Now this wouldn’t have been any problem if I hadn’t been stopped by four different staff members asking if I was lost, being that I was a young girl wandering the halls of a hotel. It was still early in the afternoon and from what I had researched online, people suggested to have sex before dinner, and so things got hot and heavy as quickly and awkwardly as possible. At one point he had decided it was time I graduated from the missionary position on the bed and pick me up to push me up against the balcony glass door. The glass felt good on my hot body, so it took me a few seconds to realize that my naked ass is on the glass door, which is right across from the light-rail station. In a fit of panic and anger I told him that we were done. I wanted to take my shower and leave for dinner early. He did not take that as seriously as I intended; he came into the shower with me and convinced me to try again. Neither of us had experience in shower sex and within seconds, we had a slip. I grabbed onto the cheap hotel shower curtains and we both fell with the plastic covering us. Needless to say we were not in the mood anymore. I was worried that since a few rings that held the curtain broke that he would have a huge charge on his hotel bill, so we went out downtown to look for a replacement. Shower curtain rings are not something commonly found downtown, and by the time we found it, we had missed our dinner reservations, so we went to the Burgerville across the street from the hotel instead. We went back to the hotel to try again since neither of us had finished from earlier. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever read the DC Comic books about Captain Marvel, but he gets his superpowers by yelling, “Shazam!” And when he came, that’s what he exclaimed. That was the last thing I could ever expected! After a while I had to go home and do homework for school the next day. The next few years he used to send me an e-mail on Valentine’s day with just Shazam! It stopped maybe two years ago, but this memory will never go away. “

(Editor’s note: Our resident geek informs us that being nerdy has ALWAYS been hot, and that Captain Marvel’s name has been changed to Shazam due to copyright claims. Don’t worry, we want to smack him, too.)

Bit by the Love Bug

“Finally, finally we had a babysitter for the 2 little ones and were going to escape for the weekend!  Nope!  Grandma got sick, so we had to cancel our reservations and of course lost most of the deposit.  Still hoping for a little romance, we planned on putting the kids to bed early and have a late night candle light dessert and romance time.  No such luck!  As soon as the chocolate was ready, kid 1 is up puking, followed soon by the 2nd.  Needless to say, spending what was suppose to be a great romantic time cleaning puke was not the plan.  To add insult to injury, once the kids were doing better– I got it next! “

Projectile vomiting is way down there on our list of turn-ons, too.

Don’t forget to share your Valentine’s nightmare memories with us for a chance to make those dreams come true!

Stockroom “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Contest – Entries Begin!

We’ve been loving all the Valentine’s Day contest entries we’ve received! We’ve all had lousy luck on that dastardly day, so we’re very sympathetic to your tales of woe! We’ve chosen a few of the choicest cuts so far to post here!

We will continue to pick some of the best entries as we receive them and share them with you. There’s still plenty of time to enter for your chance to win a gift bag of hot gear worth over $400, so check out the contest rules and enter- Your tales make get you the opportunity to have the BEST Valentine’s Day EVER!

Never Forget Your Trunk

“So early February, we had watched this movie in which a stripper performed at a bachelorette party.  He said those dreaded words, “I bet I could do that.”  I looked at him, looked at the screen, looked at him, looked at the screen.  “Dear…no.  Dear….I love you.  Just…no.”  He looked over at me, “What? You don’t think I can do that?!” He was a state champion heavyweight wrestler, not exactly what you would picture when you think of a stripper.  “No…dear, I don’t think you can do that.”  He sighed and we finished the movie.  We forgot about it.

For Valentine’s Day we had planned to go out to dinner, come back, cuddle and have a night in with each other.  Ha.  Was I wrong.  I don’t know why, but we watched a similar movie.  I had to use the bathroom.  We paused the movie and I got up to go.  When I came back, he’s not in the room, but there’s just an office chair in the middle of the room.. “Hey…where’d you go?”  The only reply I got was a cryptic, “I have a surprise for you. Sit down.” Worried, I sat down.  He opened the door, and comes out wearing an male thong, which can only be described as an elephant mask for a penis, and a bow-tie.  Nothing else.  I am stunned.  My boyfriend of 2 and a half years.  All 365 lbs of this wrestler who could NOT be a stripper….who had now decided that he was a stripper.

He starts to dance.  He starts pelvic thrusting, trying to make the elephant trunk move in a circle….and succeeds in making it somewhat flop up and down.  He is so concentrated on his carefully rehearsed dance moves that he has yet to notice the look on my face.  He walked over to me, preparing to (I think) grind on me.  I couldn’t help it.  I didn’t think about it.  I just put my hands up shielding myself.  “Babe.  This is an elephant trunk.  What are you…Why?”  One more look at the elephant trunk staring me in the face…and I burst out laughing.

He wasn’t amused.  He still got laid.  It takes some courage to strut an elephant trunk around on your dick.

Looking back on it now…there’s a reason he’s my ex.  Not many people can make Valentine’s Day both terrifying and hilarious.  He, somehow, managed.”

Because it reminds us of this:


The Road Trip to Perdition:

“My freshman year of college, I had a crush on this guy.  We were each other’s best friends at college so far, which really didn’t say much…The whole first semester I had the crush, but I didn’t say anything.  My good friend who introduced the two of us then let me in on a conversation they had regarding me, in which he disclosed that he would never be interested in dating me because I was not attractive, I didn’t inspire him, I wasn’t intelligent enough and I made bad friend choices.  About a month later he asked me out.  We went out for a couple months and had a decent relationship, at least I thought so until a couple years later when I realized that it was both very physically and emotionally abusive.  Anyways, we did a lot of random little things, such as going to swing in the park, taking hikes and pictures in the snow, and watching movies while making bets who could last the longest without kissing the other.  So when he decided to take a random 2 hour road trip to the beach Valentine’s morning, it wasn’t a surprise at all.  Merely sweet.  At least…until he broke up with me about 90 minutes into the drive, leaving me spending the rest of Valentine’s Day single…stuck with my ex.

It wasn’t a good Valentine’s Day.”

Because we’ve all been there…


Everybody Loves a Teddy

“One of my worst Valentines Dates Ever had to be a few years ago, when my boyfriend at the time and I went out for dinner. It was one of those places where you could eat a meal and then play arcade games. It was a great night as I had driven about 8 hours to come to see him as he had recently moved to go to school in another city but in the same state. The whole night he was playing the games where you would win tickests and racking up a ton of them. Even though he had already given me a gifts, I figured that he was trying to win me something that I had my eye on since we had walked in.

The end of the night, he takes his tickets and turns them in for an over sized stuffed bear. Not really my style, until he says to me that he won’t it for his roommate who was alone that night. I spent the whole walk from the ticket area to my car, listening to women who walked by going on about how lucky I had to be to have someone win me that. And just smile gritting my teeth totally embarrassed, and not wanting to say that it was for his room mate and not me. I wanted to die, I totally get that he was being kind to his roommate, but couldn’t he have waited till a time that wasn’t our valentines day date?”

Because watching someone else get what was supposed to be yours is THE WORST. “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Contest!

In the season of love, we are often reminded of past romances and conquests. Sometimes, attempts at finding “that special someone” don’t go exactly the way you planned and sometimes despite your best efforts, that perfect night of wining, dining, and grinding just doesn’t pan out like expected.

We here at Stockroom feel your pain and would love to help you make this holiday one for the history books, in a good way this time. With that said, let Stockroom give you the BEST Valentine’s Day EVER with our “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Contest!


  • Email us at with your most hilarious and embarrassing tales from Valentine’s Days past. (Make sure to include your mailing address in your entry so we can get your prize to you by the big night!)
  • We will review the entries and pick our favorites that make us smile and cringe
  • We will post some of favorite entries on our blog at random throughout the week until the contest is over. Winners will be announced on Tuesday, February 12.



  • Eligible entries must contain: Name, mailing address, and preferred method of contact.
  • Eligible entries may be shared publicly and will not include any personal or identifying information.
  • Contest open to U.S. residents only.
  • Winners shall be chosen solely at the discretion of Stockroom, Inc.
  • No employee of, or affiliated party to Stockroom, Inc. shall be eligible to win any prize in the “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever”.
  • All entries must be received by 11:59PM PST Feburary 10, 2013
  • Winners will be notified by 6PM PST February 12, 2013 by their preferred method of contact. Prizes requiring physical delivery will automatically be shipped no later than February 13, 2013, to arrive by February 14, 2013.
  • Contest void where prohibited by law.


Countdown Stockroom’s Top 12 New Gear of 2012!

As we prepare to watch the ball drop and ring in yet another year full of deviant possibilities, we thought it might also be nice to take a look at some of our favorite products that have come into our lives and into our bedrooms this past year. We hope you love them as much as we do and we look forward to bringing you even more tantalizing toys and gear in 2013!

In no particular order, here are our Top 12 picks for the items that captured our heart!

Minna Ola:–P4797.aspx
When it comes time for toe-curling solo adventures, the less knob turning and dialing tweaking needed the better while still maintaining the best in sexual technology. This is why we love the Minna Ola. All that’s needed is the squeeze of a hand to make its engine roar and your kitten purr.

Power Tripper:
We are definitely fans of a kiss that leaves you tingling and this exhilarating attachment for the KinkLab Neon Wand does just that, turning your every touch and caress into a jolting experience!

Sex & Metal Severe Pinwheel:
Some of the sexiest and most desirable pleasure devices are forged from the designs of medieval torture items and the Severe Pinwheel definitely falls in that category. The needle-sharp barbs and durable metal construction bring a delicious sense of danger to your sensation play (it also works as an e-stim toy with the Power Tripper!)

Toy Two:–P4802.aspx
We believe that sometimes an inch can go a mile and this smooth silicone finger extension toy designed especially to stimulate the female g-spot does just that. This toy is guaranteed to make your 2 finger position really hit the spot.

Sex & Metal Secretary Yoke:
Versatility is the name of the game with this dungeon instrument, combining four restraint staples into an interchangeable unit for one seriously sexy, sturdy steel implement.

Well of Misery Ball Stretcher:
Cold steel and unforgiving bolted grips give this ball stretcher a stern and unique brutality that we simply love! The Well of Misery boasts attractive & adjustable weighted rings that hold snug & fast around the testicles, giving you an exciting range of sensual, to painful possibilities

Nip Suck
The strong suction of these twistable cups creates an irresistible force to stimulate your nipples, neck, or any other sensitive place you can think of!

French Military Gas Mask
Nothing gets our hearts (& other parts!) throbbing like a little authentic role play. Try a “Behind Enemy Lines” French Resistance scenario, or a post-doomsday bunker scene!

Latex Executioner Hoodie
Be the talk of the track meet when you show up in this unique top! Somewhere between fetish and fitness lies this sporty rubber number; its freshness and playful panache land it on our favorites of 2012 list. Don’t forget the matching track pants!

Hammerhead Masturbator Attachment
We’ve been aching to get something especially the boys with our VibeRite(R) Personal Massager, and this soft sleeve fits the bill (and your junk) perfectly! Now everyone can play!

Heavy Duty Steel Wrist Cuffs
Our New Year’s Resolution was to beef up our selection of steel bondage restraints, and we’re very impressed with these heavy duty offerings. In addition to the exquisite design, we’re in love with the Allen wrench fasteners, leaving the worries of lost keys and embarrassing locksmith calls forever behind us.

Instigator #23
No one should be surprised when they see this on our coffee table or nightstand – We’re all mesmerized by the audacity and flawless execution of the most brilliantly filthy gay men’s magazine in history.

From all of us at Stockroom, have a wonderful, decadent & safe New Years Eve & 2013! 

Stockroom Holiday Gift Guide

Along with the traditional elements such as sucking down eggnog and creating elaborate contingency diagrams for avoiding awkward exchanges with your relatives at family get-togethers, the holiday season is also about giving to your loved ones to show that you care and stuffing their stockings with something special…but where to begin?

We’d love to help you figure out how to find that perfect gift for that perfect person, so we’ve put together a collection of items sure to put a twinkle in the eye of the ones you adore.

Corporal Punishment was always a loose cannon. That’s why the brass left him to die in a tiger cage somewhere in the Samangan Province of Afghanistan. But he came back, and now he’s here to dispense justice with the aid of his trusty Fuck Saw and other implements of militant sexuality. Will his enhanced interrogation methods give him the response he craves – or can you resist his efforts to break you?
  • Fuck Saw
  • Prisoner Belt
  • Rubber Muir Cap
  • Rattan Cane (On Sale Now!)

Candy is dandy- so why not give your lover a treat? Turn the lights down low, get the sexy silk linens out of the closet, pour yourself a nice glass of Courvoisier and you’re in for a sticky sweet night of fun.
  • Patent Leather Bow Restraint (On Sale Now!)
  • Jawbreaker Gag
  • Body Wax Massage Candles (On Sale Now!)

Ladies, why settle for equality when you can have authority? Make him take it like a man with these tools for unleashing your inner goddess, whom, after centuries of subjugation, is doubtless in the mood for a little tussle.
  • Expert Guide to Pegging DVD
  • Ball Buster Paddle
  • Bend Over Harness Kit (On Sale Now!)

Dashing through the snow in nothing but a smile is one creative way to enjoy some holiday CBT cheer, but your neighbors might not be super thrilled. Might we instead suggest keeping warm indoors by the fire and playing with these stern cock and ball toys. These items will grip you vice tight with pleasure, instead of the cold steel of the policeman’s handcuffs as you get carted away for public indecency over a “snow-related misunderstanding”
  • Silicone Stud Lasso (On Sale Now!)
  • Well of Misery (On Sale Now!)
  • Torquemada Ball Crusher

Worried your slave might wander into the night and get taken to the stray sub’s den of inequity, adopted by some other mistress or master for their holiday harem? Make them jingle all the way with these melodious accessories. And remember, every time your slave gets a swat, an angel gets its wings.
  • Nipple Clamp w/ Bell
  • Metal Anklet w/ Slave Bells
  • Dancer’s Waist Chain w/ Slave Bells

Winners of Our ‘What Would I Do If I Won a $250 Stockroom Gift Certificate’ Contest!

Thanks again to everyone who participated in our “What Would I Do if I Won a $250 Stockroom Gift Certificate Contest!” We truly enjoyed reading all of your entries and had an incredibly hard time choosing our winners. Below are the three winning entries for your reading pleasure. Enjoy, and don’t worry, we plan on holding more contests in the near future!

    $250 Grand Prize Gift Certificate Winner –

Well firstly let me say that at 38 yrs of age I have just come off a journey with the church where I was to become a consecrated virgin. A lot has happened in the last 12 months. I have been on a sexuality retreat for women, I got kissed by a man for the first time and loved it, we got to have a bit of a play touching each other, so YES I am still a virgin. Although tomorrow morning as it happens I am meeting with a Dom off Fetlife ( I friended him and he added me to his private BDSM Facebook group as I am now on a journey of discovering everything I can about sexuality, all aspects of it! From there someone directed me to Fetlife as there is a group for any newbies! ). So in the morning I am having an interview for a rope bunny role. I am not expecting to get it, however I will be required to sit there in front of another human being and share what my sexual desires are and what I wish to get out of the role, as well as that I have asked of a separate subject if he would be willing to mentor me and allow my first sexual experiences to be with him, hopefully I will be able to build this into a proper D/s relationship.

Even though I am a virgin my deepest darkest desires are surfacing from before I was even ten, now they have developed into wanting to experience submission, spanking, restraint, oral sex, anal sex, caning, electro play, I want to experience all this and so much more with him, and if down the track the trust is really there and we have developed that intimate two way relationship then he can have my main virginity as well, but he will have to earn it. So until then I am pretty sure that he may be able to pick out a couple of items to use on me. I know he wants to experiment with electro play, so maybe an e-stim, a couple of butt plugs or anal beads. Nipple clamps appeal with weights, as does a nice flogger. I would like some nice relaxing massage oil so I can apply it to his beautiful muscular body after he has finished playing with me and lays there completely blissed out after using and dominating my body any way he pleases.

    $50 Gift Certificate Winner –

I’m a man of contrasting tastes, so if – dare I say, when! – I were to win this contest, I would want to start with the Triskeli Collar, as it’s about time I let my flag fly a little more noticeably (since I work in a public library, it can double as a reference point!). From there, I’d get the Ball Gag and Blindfold Harness – not being able to see what’s coming is a huge turn-on for me, and being effectively silenced is something I’ve always wanted to try. While using that, I want to try one of The Rude Boys – a close friend of mine told me how great they were, and while I trust her opinion, I gotta experience it for myself! And speaking of self-experience and contrast, that brings me to the last item…Mike’s Spikes. I can’t think of anything better to wrap it all up! I’ve had my eye on that particular portable prick-pinching product for some time now; it makes the masochist in me swoon.

Now, I know that I’m $9 over the certificate amount of $250, but…that’s a small price to pay for the immense pleasure that would come from not only winning, but the items above! Even if I don’t win (don’t get me wrong, I want to win harder than nipples being pinched by Extreme Talon Nipple Clamps) it was worth the time to come up with this email. Thanks for the opportunity and I hope you pick me!

    Stockroom T-Shirt Winner –

First of all, I just want to say how much I love your site and your store. I’m sure this is nothing new to hear, but I have spent hours gazing at all of the wonderfully tantalizing possibilities that rack my brain.

Which brings me to the first reason of why I believe you should pick me. I have only been able to gaze longingly at your products, and not purchase. I’m a struggling young professional and have no budget to indulge in my ultimate fantasies in such a luxurious manner. Sure, I’ve been able to use make-shift items into bondage and sensual pleasure, but I want to take it to a new level and finally incorporate real leather and safer restraints into my repertoire. While I have dabbled in some BDSM/kink play, I am still a beginner and the certificate would allow one more person to more fully step into this glorious community that the Stockroom is so important to. This would be an important stepping stone to exploring my sexuality and seeing what limits my body (and my partner) can endure. Wouldn’t you feel so proud to be a part of what would help mold my exploratory sexuality?!

My second reason is that I am striving to become a sex therapist and having a certificate to Stockroom would allow me to become more acquainted with types of toys, play, and lifestyles and in turn, be a more informed therapist and sexuality educator. While I can learn from workshops, lectures, talking to others or reading about something in a book, there is nothing like getting a first hand experience of what my clients might experience in their personal life. Incorporating this into my personal life will allow me to be a more reliable and knowledgeable professional. But I can’t do it on my ramen dinner budget.

I want this certificate for the good of my sexual identity and for the good of my community :)

And finally, I can’t express how badly I’ve been wanting a swing and some serious leather restraints.

Good luck with your selection!

Make sure to ‘like’ us on Facebook to keep up to dates on upcoming contests, as well as sales, new items and upcoming events!