Tease & Denial, Part One: The Art of the Tease

In burlesque, the art of the tease is what matters most. It is a long, slow courtship between the performer and the audience she is seducing. She offers a little peek here, a quick flash there. She gives you a taste then takes it away and leaves you wanting more. This dance is a sort of tease and denial, a lusty give-and-take that continues until finally the climax is reached and the audience cannot help but explode with satisfaction. If we take the same approach to our orgasms, the results can be quite explosive indeed. As they say, good things come to those who wait.

You’ve probably heard of a little thing called foreplay. It’s what happens before sex. This is the ‘tease’ part of ‘tease and denial’ and serves more purpose than just achieving erection or vaginal lubrication. It’s what gets us hot and bothered and sets the stage for a truly earth shattering orgasm. Foreplay is also crucial to many female orgasms, so don’t be stingy when it comes to pleasing the ladies. Oral sex and manual masturbation are always great for getting things started but to really prolong the pleasure, and spare your jaw in the process, you can incorporate a number of sex toys for both men and women.

Vibrators make fantastic tease toys. Whether you are teasing your partner or pleasing yourself, start with your vibrator on a low setting and lightly caress near the vagina or perineum to get things started. Experiment with different angles, speeds, and pressures as well as specific points on and around the genitals, nipples and anus. Vibrators that feature multiple vibration patterns like the Lelo Mona Red or the Laya Spot by Fun Factory are ideal for sexual teasing and allow you to quickly change things up if you find yourself or your partner approaching orgasm too quickly. The Oh MiBod iPod Vibrator syncs to your iPod and will pulse to the beat of your favorite music, so a good playlist can alter the vibrations for you if you’re flying solo.

Male masturbation sleeves offer a bit more for those taking the ‘hands on’ approach to orgasm achievement. These soft, textured sleeves are designed to enhance manual masturbation by recreating the sensation of vaginal or anal penetration. Slip in to a Titanmen Tool Box or a textured Vibratex Suction Sleeve and stroke yourself or your partner slowly and gently. More endowed men may prefer the extra girth and length of the Tantus Stroker XL. Vary your grip strength and stroke speed until breathing quickens, then switch to slow, loose strokes to prevent any pre-intended ejaculations. Patience is the name of the game in tease and denial play, and a good tease is a slow tease.

Tips for teasing with toys:

• Always start slow and increase gradually. Try different speeds, strengths, vibration patterns, etc to find what drives you wild, then treat yourself to a few seconds of pure pleasure before switching techniques or moving to another area. Bring yourself (or your partner) slightly closer to orgasm each time without climaxing.

• When teasing a partner, monitor their body language to gauge their reactions to your manipulations. Rapid or heavy breathing, clenched fingers, curled toes, an arched back or even a tilted pelvis can all be signs of an approaching orgasm. Listen for audible clues like moaning or other verbal communications.

• When using vibrators, use a series of quick, light passes over the clitoris or frenulum intermixed with long, slow, heavy strokes and firmer pressure to stimulate the genitals and heighten arousal. Allow the sensations to build gradually for more intensity.

• Vary sensations and erogenous zones. Add in some spanking or nipple play to keep things lively. A little pain intensifies the pleasure!

• Blindfolds are perfect for teasing scenarios. The heightened senses and lack of control increase sexual arousal and add a sense of mystery to your orgasmic journey.

• Add some bondage to your foreplay! There is nothing more frustrating and exciting than to be at the mercy of a lover who is taking their time, pleasing you slowly, making you beg to release your sexual tension, bringing you close to orgasm time and time again but never quite letting you climax until they decide you are ready.

Which brings us to the agony and ecstasy of denial. But more on that next week. You’ll just have to wait to find out what I have in store for you…

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