Another day, another holiday horror story from our faithful followers! In fact, 2 of them! These tickled our fancy enough that we wanted to share them with you!
Think you can beat these mortifying memories with your own cautionary recollection? Send your entries to firstname.lastname@example.org by 11:59PM PST Sunday night to be entered to win the grand prize (worth over $400) or one of our runner-up prizes. Everyone who submits an eligible entry will receive something, so what do you have to lose?
It’s Not Super-Effective…
“As I’m trying to write this story, I don’t know where to begin. Perhaps the best way to start this is to say that this was the day I decided to give up my virginity. We dated for months and I thought Valentine’s day would just be the perfect time. He was an über nerd, but luckily he was a nerd at a time where being nerdy started being hot. He was popular with the ladies, but he had his eyes out on fresh meat. He paid for a room downtown, in front of the light-rail. Second floor all the way in the end of the hallway. Now this wouldn’t have been any problem if I hadn’t been stopped by four different staff members asking if I was lost, being that I was a young girl wandering the halls of a hotel. It was still early in the afternoon and from what I had researched online, people suggested to have sex before dinner, and so things got hot and heavy as quickly and awkwardly as possible. At one point he had decided it was time I graduated from the missionary position on the bed and pick me up to push me up against the balcony glass door. The glass felt good on my hot body, so it took me a few seconds to realize that my naked ass is on the glass door, which is right across from the light-rail station. In a fit of panic and anger I told him that we were done. I wanted to take my shower and leave for dinner early. He did not take that as seriously as I intended; he came into the shower with me and convinced me to try again. Neither of us had experience in shower sex and within seconds, we had a slip. I grabbed onto the cheap hotel shower curtains and we both fell with the plastic covering us. Needless to say we were not in the mood anymore. I was worried that since a few rings that held the curtain broke that he would have a huge charge on his hotel bill, so we went out downtown to look for a replacement. Shower curtain rings are not something commonly found downtown, and by the time we found it, we had missed our dinner reservations, so we went to the Burgerville across the street from the hotel instead. We went back to the hotel to try again since neither of us had finished from earlier. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever read the DC Comic books about Captain Marvel, but he gets his superpowers by yelling, “Shazam!” And when he came, that’s what he exclaimed. That was the last thing I could ever expected! After a while I had to go home and do homework for school the next day. The next few years he used to send me an e-mail on Valentine’s day with just Shazam! It stopped maybe two years ago, but this memory will never go away. “
(Editor’s note: Our resident geek informs us that being nerdy has ALWAYS been hot, and that Captain Marvel’s name has been changed to Shazam due to copyright claims. Don’t worry, we want to smack him, too.)
Bit by the Love Bug
“Finally, finally we had a babysitter for the 2 little ones and were going to escape for the weekend! Nope! Grandma got sick, so we had to cancel our reservations and of course lost most of the deposit. Still hoping for a little romance, we planned on putting the kids to bed early and have a late night candle light dessert and romance time. No such luck! As soon as the chocolate was ready, kid 1 is up puking, followed soon by the 2nd. Needless to say, spending what was suppose to be a great romantic time cleaning puke was not the plan. To add insult to injury, once the kids were doing better– I got it next! “
Projectile vomiting is way down there on our list of turn-ons, too.
Don’t forget to share your Valentine’s nightmare memories with us for a chance to make those dreams come true!