We’ve been loving all the Valentine’s Day contest entries we’ve received! We’ve all had lousy luck on that dastardly day, so we’re very sympathetic to your tales of woe! We’ve chosen a few of the choicest cuts so far to post here!
We will continue to pick some of the best entries as we receive them and share them with you. There’s still plenty of time to enter for your chance to win a gift bag of hot gear worth over $400, so check out the contest rules and enter– Your tales make get you the opportunity to have the BEST Valentine’s Day EVER!
Never Forget Your Trunk
“So early February, we had watched this movie in which a stripper performed at a bachelorette party. He said those dreaded words, “I bet I could do that.” I looked at him, looked at the screen, looked at him, looked at the screen. “Dear…no. Dear….I love you. Just…no.” He looked over at me, “What? You don’t think I can do that?!” He was a state champion heavyweight wrestler, not exactly what you would picture when you think of a stripper. “No…dear, I don’t think you can do that.” He sighed and we finished the movie. We forgot about it.
For Valentine’s Day we had planned to go out to dinner, come back, cuddle and have a night in with each other. Ha. Was I wrong. I don’t know why, but we watched a similar movie. I had to use the bathroom. We paused the movie and I got up to go. When I came back, he’s not in the room, but there’s just an office chair in the middle of the room.. “Hey…where’d you go?” The only reply I got was a cryptic, “I have a surprise for you. Sit down.” Worried, I sat down. He opened the door, and comes out wearing an male thong, which can only be described as an elephant mask for a penis, and a bow-tie. Nothing else. I am stunned. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years. All 365 lbs of this wrestler who could NOT be a stripper….who had now decided that he was a stripper.
He starts to dance. He starts pelvic thrusting, trying to make the elephant trunk move in a circle….and succeeds in making it somewhat flop up and down. He is so concentrated on his carefully rehearsed dance moves that he has yet to notice the look on my face. He walked over to me, preparing to (I think) grind on me. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t think about it. I just put my hands up shielding myself. “Babe. This is an elephant trunk. What are you…Why?” One more look at the elephant trunk staring me in the face…and I burst out laughing.
He wasn’t amused. He still got laid. It takes some courage to strut an elephant trunk around on your dick.
Looking back on it now…there’s a reason he’s my ex. Not many people can make Valentine’s Day both terrifying and hilarious. He, somehow, managed.”
Because it reminds us of this: http://media.tumblr.com/6b7e1331c2fbc7801056bfc6d48ad89f/tumblr_inline_mhdcuie2Fh1rctfjr.gif
The Road Trip to Perdition:
“My freshman year of college, I had a crush on this guy. We were each other’s best friends at college so far, which really didn’t say much…The whole first semester I had the crush, but I didn’t say anything. My good friend who introduced the two of us then let me in on a conversation they had regarding me, in which he disclosed that he would never be interested in dating me because I was not attractive, I didn’t inspire him, I wasn’t intelligent enough and I made bad friend choices. About a month later he asked me out. We went out for a couple months and had a decent relationship, at least I thought so until a couple years later when I realized that it was both very physically and emotionally abusive. Anyways, we did a lot of random little things, such as going to swing in the park, taking hikes and pictures in the snow, and watching movies while making bets who could last the longest without kissing the other. So when he decided to take a random 2 hour road trip to the beach Valentine’s morning, it wasn’t a surprise at all. Merely sweet. At least…until he broke up with me about 90 minutes into the drive, leaving me spending the rest of Valentine’s Day single…stuck with my ex.
It wasn’t a good Valentine’s Day.”
Because we’ve all been there…
Everybody Loves a Teddy
“One of my worst Valentines Dates Ever had to be a few years ago, when my boyfriend at the time and I went out for dinner. It was one of those places where you could eat a meal and then play arcade games. It was a great night as I had driven about 8 hours to come to see him as he had recently moved to go to school in another city but in the same state. The whole night he was playing the games where you would win tickests and racking up a ton of them. Even though he had already given me a gifts, I figured that he was trying to win me something that I had my eye on since we had walked in.
The end of the night, he takes his tickets and turns them in for an over sized stuffed bear. Not really my style, until he says to me that he won’t it for his roommate who was alone that night. I spent the whole walk from the ticket area to my car, listening to women who walked by going on about how lucky I had to be to have someone win me that. And just smile gritting my teeth totally embarrassed, and not wanting to say that it was for his room mate and not me. I wanted to die, I totally get that he was being kind to his roommate, but couldn’t he have waited till a time that wasn’t our valentines day date?”
Because watching someone else get what was supposed to be yours is THE WORST.
Well my story about the worst V Day ever is: My ex-boyfriend would never personalize his gifts to me. He would get the standard. Now out of these standards are flowers. Well while I was with him for 4 years and during that time I lost my sense of smell. He was a smoker. So he always would by me flowers. I mean seriously, I told him they are lost on me because I can’t smell. Every year I would get flowers. That is one of the reasons he is an ex.
I think I commented on the wrong one before but I love the elephant one!! It’s hilarious!!