This weekend is your last chance to enter our “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” contest! Here are more melancholy missives to get your creative juices flowing:
Un-Romancing the Stone
Well without a doubt it was 1990. I was all set for an evening of romance and of course deliciously wicked sex. I had picked up a few new toys, and nice bottle of wine, and of course chocolates. My ex had sent our son to the grandparents, made dinner and picked up a video for after. All day at work I had thoughts of what the fun we were going to have that evening. Diner was excellent, we were having a great time and then she went and popped in the video into the VCR. The screen flickered and I wondered what we were about to watch, would it be a classic romance? a porn? NOOOOO it was perhaps the least romantic film I have ever seen, it was the 1989 film War of the Roses. It is a black comedy about a wealthy couple with a seemingly perfect marriage. When their marriage begins to fall apart, material possessions become the center of an outrageous and bitter divorce battle. Needless to say there was no sexy time that night. The moral of the story is never let her pick the film.
It could have been worse. She could have picked ‘Hoffa’ or ‘Jack the Bear.’
The Show Must Go On
This doubles as not only my worst Valentine’s, but also the worst date I’ve EVER been on.
My boyfriend’s uncle was playing a background part in a local production of the opera Carmen. Boyfriend told me that he had free tickets because of it and wanted to take me for Valentine’s. I got so excited because I love the opera and had always wanted to go to a live show and thought it would be great for a VDay date. I was proven incredibly wrong.
Here I am, dressed to kill, waiting to be picked up. It’s not his car that picks me up. It’s his aunt, with him in the passenger seat. I asked about dinner and was told that both of them had already eaten, so there were no plans to eat at all. We got to the venue, where he takes me to the ticket counter and tells me that I had to purchase my own ticket. I asked about the free tickets he said he had. “Oh, yeah. We got two free tickets, one for me and the other for my aunt. I never had a third one for you.” I didn’t have the money to buy my own ticket. When I explained this to him, his response was the most embarrassing thing I think anyone could do. He started panhandling to complete strangers to get me a ticket. I couldn’t believe it. He somehow was able to gather up the money to buy me the ticket, but every part of me didn’t want to stay there. Anyway, so the show starts, and i’m in the most amazing seat, except that I’m nowhere near the boyfriend and the aunt. I was however, dead center on the bottom floor, right about in the middle of the rows. Not too far forward or too far backwards. Just perfect. However, I decided that it would be more appropriate though, if I were sitting with my own company. So after intermission, I went to sit with them…only to find that I was at the very back of the right wing and could barely see a thing. “free tickets for family” apparently meant all the seats they knew they’d never fill. The worst part of everything was afterwards, when I confronted him about how terrible the night was, he didn’t see how he’d done anything wrong.
We’re guessing that this Night at the Opera was followed by A Night in the Doghouse.
Don’t miss out on your chance to win over $400 worth of great prizes, including the brand new Red and Black Neon Wand! Everyone who enters gets something, so turn your misery into profit today! Contest ends at 11:59PM PST this Sunday night!
