We’re proud to present a guest blog from one of our favorite overall awesome people, Juli Crockett. She’s a playwright and theater director, retired (undefeated) professional boxer and amateur champion and lead singer of the alternative country band, The Evangenitals.
Let her guide you down the path of enlightenment for ideas on a truly memorable Halloween costume.
This Halloween, while expectantly looking forward to seeing a plethora of Lady Gaga “meat dresses” (and other Gaga related fashion statements) all over town, I am giddy with anticipation to see what other sexy, surreal, and down-right silly costumes the collective imagination brings forth. More and more, every Halloween seems to be a current events retrospective reminding us of YouTube sensations & one hit wonders, films & TV shows, and odes to classic characters and careers that get funnier, smuttier, and sluttier as the years march on.
Last year, among all the costumes I witnessed, from the profound to profane, I must admit the most memorable was a spot-on impersonation of Justin Timberlake’s “Dick In A Box” character from popular the Saturday Night Live digital short. Besides having a flawless assemblage of costume elements, this gentleman also had some serious charisma that allowed him to truly pull it off. His dedication to the character throughout the night was awe-inspiring, never dropping the illusion for a moment. The memory of that perfect embodiment has stayed with me the whole year. Pop-culture references are always, well, a popular reference point for any given year’s costumes. Some are temporal; others are timeless, perennially popping up at play parties and haunted hootenannies nation-wide.
If you’re stumped for costume ideas and would like some quick and easy slightly “out of the box” inspiration for this year, here’s some highlights from the Stockroom Halloween Sale that will be sure to tease, please, and in some cases potentially be burned into the minds party-goers for years to come. From the playful to the pornographic all the way to performance art, these are some assemblages I’d personally love to see out on the town.
Presented in order of extreme exhibitionism required for execution:
1. Fantastic Mr Fox/Animal Farm
All you need is a snappy brown corduroy suit and our Fox Mask and you’re ready to go! And there’s nothing hotter than a Roald Dahl reference to get all the literary geeks swooning. Or maybe that’s just me? Another option from the fiction section: a strapping, obedient pony boy could embody “Boxer” from George Orwell’s Animal Farm, and spend the night assuring party goers that “I will work harder”… letting their imaginations fill in the context.
- Fox Mask
- Pony Head Bridle Set
2. Conan, or Gladiator, or Whatever Excuse You Need To Wear Gauntlets:
Personally, I’ll take any excuse I can to parade around half naked in waist and ankle bells. Throw a hot, sweaty, dirt smudged warrior wearing a chest harness & gauntlets (and perhaps brandishing a Tyrant whip) on my arm, and we’re ready to give you a sneak preview of the new Immortals movie coming soon to a theater near you. Or whatever gladiator style/greek gods/barbarian battle movie is coming out after that. They just keep coming!
3. The Human Centipede:
I’m really hoping to see a few of these this year, and perhaps that’s an indication of something wrong with me. A theoretically simple, low budget costume that only requires complete lack of inhibition and some people willing to spend the evening with their faces strapped to each other’s bums. Technically, all you need to pull this off is some gauze bandages and a couple willing friends. If you’re really ambitious you could attempt the 12 person “Human Centipede 2” tribute. My idea for a sleeker, sexier upgrade: use black bondage tape rather than the gauze/diaper look.
4. Edward Penishands:
This legendary gem of a 90’s porn has got a Johnny Depp/Edward Scissorhands lookalike with two giant penises for hands. What could be more awesome than that? I’d like to see someone pull this look off using the Clone-a-Willy kits. Either glow in the dark for awesome night effects or chocolate for interactive potential is highly recommended!
5. Annie Sprinkle:
With little more than some black stockings and a speculum, you can recreate porn goddess and sex education pioneer Annie Sprinkle’s groundbreaking “site specific” performance art piece “Public Cervix Announcement” in which Sprinkle invited audience members to take a look at her cervix with a flashlight while she reclined in a chair, legs akimbo. Throw on some pasties for extra flair!
Now go forth into the night and make a damn good impression!