It turns out that The Stockroom is perfectly equipped for the bold pioneers who will one day be the first to have sex in space. Why? Because we carry a lot of straps and belts and restraining things. According to Neil Degrasse Tyson, who’s just about as smart as one human being can get, that’s exactly what you need.
It’s all about the physics, you see. Tyson took on the difficulties of having sex in zero-g in a recent episode of Star Talk, and one of the main problems is that when you don’t have gravity keeping everything from flying across the room, it’s really hard to keep yourself and your partner physically together. “You begin to see the manifestation of Newton’s laws of motion,” he says. Simply put, that means that when you reach out to kiss or caress someone, you’re likely going to send them careening across the room. Fortunately, the solution is pretty simple:
If you want to get together and stay together, you need something to keep you together during all the normal body movements that would characterize having sex in space. So you just bring a lot of leather belts to keep things strapped down, and you’ll be just fine. (Emphasis added)
Obviously, this is very exciting: We love to figure out how to keep people strapped down, and we’re pretty good at it. In fact, XBiz just recognized that fact when they nominated the Dave Navarro Strap for the Specialty Product/Line of the Year. The Strap is definitely one of our finest and most inventive pieces of gear, but will it hold up to the stresses of having wild sex in space? There’s only one way to find out. Who’s game to help run a few experiments? Strictly for the sake of advancing scientific knowledge, of course.
For those who want to put some real thought and creativity into the future of using belts (whether here or in orbit), Danarama is returning to Stockroom University this coming Saturday to teach “Belt-Based Bondage,” a class on how to use anything from the belts hanging in your closet to the specialty straps we make for intense and efficient play. It seems like this would be the perfect opportunity to ask him what he recommends for orbital scenes.
