This week, Stockroom University makes its return with a very popular yet misunderstood topic: Strap-on sex. Dildos are perhaps one of the oldest sex toys around; depictions can be found in ancient Greek vases, and there are even some artifacts from the Paleolithic Era that may have been early dildos. With all their history and popularity, though, people also pick up a lot of half-truths and misconceptions about what strap-on sex is like and how to go about it for the first time. Fortunately, Mistress Kara, the Manager of our own Stockroom Syren Boutique, has extensive knowledge about strap-on sex and will be sharing it this Saturday at Stockroom University. She’ll be covering topics including how to choose the dildo or harness that’s right for you and your partner and how to insure pleasure for wearer and receiver alike. In the Q&A below, Mistress Kara gives her thoughts on some of the basic issues.
What’s the class going to be like, and what will it cover?
It’s going to cover basic strap-on technique and purchasing equipment — what you may need, depending on what anatomy you have and what your partner’s anatomy is. There’s going to be a specific emphasis on the female wearer’s ability to climax instead of having it be a D/s situation where I’m doing this power move to you. I’m going to teach how it can be a mutually beneficial pleasurable experience for couples.
Basically, if a female wearer is vibrating towards a climax, her submissive or her bottom is going to feel that in a much more intense way rather than her just doing a thing to them. We’ll be focusing on different equipment and different techniques that can stimulate the female wearer to climax.
Can you give me an example of these techniques?
For instance, if she’s highly sensitive clitorally — which many, many women are — there’s a few dildos that have a ridged base that’s curved to basically cup her private parts so that it is not just a flat base against the pubic mound. There’s also different vibrating dildos that can help stimulate women who are very vibration sensitive, and there’s certain dildos that can be worn internally and they have to go with certain harnesses, so I can teach them their options for insertables and what kind of harnesses they need to use with those.
How well do insertable dildos work?
I have the Realdoe — it’s basically the Feeldoe, but it looks like flesh. I do not and cannot wear that without a harness and I do not know anybody that can. But, if you do wear it with the Terra Firma — you take the padding out behind and you wear it, it is a perfect fit. That can also include vibration, so you not only have internal stimulation, but you have vibration as well.
The Terra Firma Dildo Harness in red leather.
What’s the Terra Firma?
The Terra Firma is one of the harnesses that we have here at Stockroom; I’m going to be showing a variety of harnesses. Some of them can also be used for a a male wearing it as the top. There’s lots of different styles. Terra Firma is probably the most basic design, but I find it the most universal. You can use any size dildo with it. You can use dildos that also go inside of you, and you can wear it underneath clothing without it looking very bulky. I really like the Terra Firma, and that’s the one that I promote to use with dildos that are going to be inserted inside the wearer.
I am focusing on the female wearer in that sense, but I wanted to include something for every orientation, every genitalia, every body, and so I’m also going to be talking about how a man can wear either a harness that creates double penetration if he’s with a female partner, or a harness that basically puts his junk in a pocket and he uses the dildo. For instance, if the bottom is giving pleasure to his top without his receiving pleasure.
Strap-ons have a long history in pop culture and porn. They’re one of the things that people immediately associate with lesbian sex. When people come to one of these classes, what’s the difference between what they’re expecting and the reality?
It’s very much the same thing as when people see BDSM online and when they get to learn what it’s really about, it’s a very different thing. So what they’re going to see online is almost always marketed towards heterosexual men. What they’re going to come in here with is most likely what they’ve seen marketed towards heterosexual men, which is not what really happens behind closed doors. There are techniques that they use for film that aren’t actually all that pleasurable. Not to reveal the man behind the curtain, but the actual moves used in a more romantic situation or a situation where you’re both trying to be mutually pleased is very different from what you see online. So, I wanted to go over that as well.
For instance, lesbian women, we don’t really trib. That’s not a thing, really. It’s really not. It’s something that’s so iconic, and every hetero man will generally think that’s what they do because that’s on the videos. But it’s only because it’s what’s visually pleasing — it’s not what actually happens. So I’ll be talking about that to some extent.
What do you find appeals to people about strap-on sex?
Well, I think right now, more than ever, it has become not just something you see on hardcore lesbian film, it is something that you now hear in pop culture. I mean, if you watch Broad City, they had an episode on it where at the end the parents were like, “Well okay, let’s try it.” So I think that the appeal has gone from it being just a scary taboo thing to this thing that might be attainable for regular couples. The appeal is that it is no longer in the realm of impossibility or just something to be frightened of or something to be turned on by when watching the video. It’s something that everyone can enjoy and I’m going to try to normalize it and take the mystery out of it to show people that it is just another form of sex.
What do you advise people when trying to select the right harness?
Well, there are harnesses that have more back support; if someone has issues with their back, or they just like the feel of more support. There are harnesses that are going to have more of a g-string up the butt, and most harnesses are going to have the strap that looks like a jock strap. One of the biggest things that I have people look at is the base where the dildo goes through: Is it a set space? Meaning, is the hole cut into the leather which is attached to the harness? That means that you can only fit that size or smaller ever into that harness.
Now, with the Terra Firma, it’s literally just the ring; you can change it to any size ring so that you’re able to use any size dildos no matter how big. So a lot of people don’t realize that they’re limiting their options if they get a certain kind of strap-on harness that has a fixed hole in the leather.
What about finding the right dildo?
That is going to depend on you and your partner. I would suggest that if it is more than a power D/s situation where you are “I’m going to make you take the biggest dildo ever,” if it is something you’re looking to get mutual pleasure from, that is a partnership purchase. You need to be comfortable enough exploring your own body and your partner’s body to know what feels good.
If you like lots of girth but not too much length because maybe your ovaries are lower and it can be painful to have a lot of depth, you’d want to make sure you go for something that’s a little stubbier. Some dildos are going to have a lot of bumps, ridges, and veins, and some are going to be completely smooth. That’s a big factor in the partner’s ability to find pleasure in it. Of course, there’s vibrating vs. Non-vibrating. Nowadays with silicone, there’s a ton of different aesthetic feels to the silicone. You can get something that feels like velvet, or you can get something that feels like actual skin and is kind of pushy. If you’re doing something that is for prostate play, you’re going to be looking for something that is going to have a curve about two inches, three inches up on the dildo from the base so you can hit that prostate. The same for g-spot play; you’re going to be looking for something with the right curve.
Is there anything you would say, when selecting either a dildo or a harness, someone should just avoid like the plague?
Yes. Number one is don’t ever buy a cheap, low-quality dildo. It’s going inside of a person. That is a major factor as far as what we’re finding cheap plastic can do to the inside of a body over time. If your dildo smells like your new shower curtain when you open it, it should be on your shelf as a novelty. Avoid it like the plague.
Strap It On! with Mistress Kara
January 30, 2-5 PM
$10
Stockroom Hall
2811 W. Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90026
