As a longtime practitioner of tease and denial (both giving and receiving, on film and in my personal life) I’ve realized that being able to choose when you come helps you not just in terms of obeying a master or mistress, but in more traditional aspects of your sex life as well. The ability to do so takes the sort of practice that tease and denial or edging yourself can prepare you for.
“Edging” (not to be confused with edge play) is the practice of taking yourself to the brink of orgasm and then backing down just before you come. In doing so, you maintain a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period of time and when you do finally have an orgasm, it can be very intense.
Chances are, you guys already partake in “gentleman’s time”, so edging while you are doing it isn’t too large of a leap. If you want to see results, you have to put the time in and keep a few things in mind:
If you intend to go the distance you’ll need to reapply at some point and hunting for it will distract you in the moment. Choose a lubricant that doesn’t break down too quickly or become sticky (I’m a fan of Pjur Aqua). Only use something that’s actually intended for this sort of thing; using lotion (or soap in the shower) can actually cause skin issues that can end up being quite severe. Attempting to edge dry can cause chaffing; if you prefer a slightly more masochistic approach then perhaps that’s not a big deal, but I recommend that you use lubrication.
Time It Right
Choose a time and place where you can focus with no interruptions or distractions. If you want to really learn how to make it last, you shouldn’t worry yourself over having to abruptly wrap things up. Setting a time limit is fine though and tracking measurable results will be easier for some people.
Bring A Toy
Toys will make this even more challenging and enjoyable; a variable speed vibrator works very well for both men and women because it’ll stimulate you in a very different way than when it happens manually. The VibeRite wand has lots of speed options and is pretty gender neutral, so even if the idea of buying a vibrator for yourself is intimidating for some of you guys, you can find something approachable that won’t make you feel like you are sword fighting. You can also try toys like the Tantus vibrating cock ring or any number of anal toys (if it seems taboo to you it’ll probably add to the thrill, or it least it does for me).
Play With The Senses
If you’d like to make the experience a little kinkier, you can include restraints, blindfolds or plugs into your edging sessions. For many people the sense of touch is heightened when you take away the sense of sound or sight, so adding sensory deprivation to your session may make even more enjoyable. Adult films can also make this more of a challenge; pop in your favorite scene and see what it’s like to try and keep control while all your buttons are being pressed.
Your goal in edging yourself is to get as close to orgasm as possible, but in the beginning that might be difficult to judge, so I recommend in the beginning that you take yourself about three quarters of the way to orgasm and come to a stop. Put your hands in the air and hold them there. Count to thirty before you touch yourself again, and push little closer the next time around. Do this over and over again, but take care not to ruin your own orgasm!
Slow It Down
From personal experience I can tell you guys that methods such as flicking or pinching the tip that will sober your cock up a bit. For others, ice is a good solution. Learning to tighten your PC muscles with Kegel exercises will also help you stop when things are happening too fast. Don’t underestimate the ability of the mind to find a solution to cool you down too; find something that’ll bring you back down to earth without completely ruining the mood.
Bring A Friend
If you want to try edging yourself during sex with a partner, stop when you are close to coming and focus completely on their pleasure. Using some cooling down time to focus on the person(s) you are in bed with can give you an opportunity to collect yourself. Sex isn’t (necessarily) a marathon, but it should last for as long as you want it to without coming to an abrupt end. Edging is a great way to improve your ability to do that.
Having someone else edge you can be fun as well; Athena Fatale gave some great suggestions in her post about tease and denial that can be put to use in edging with a partner, so I suggest you give it a read. She also gave some great toy recommendations that you can use either alone or with a partner.
Whether it is for self-satisfaction or to be a better lover, edging is a good way to give greater purpose to masturbation. The result is worth the effort and you’ll enjoy the process as well.