Kinky Book Report Contest

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Did you get a great new book during our Summer Reading Sale that you’re just dying to tell everyone about? Now you can, and win valuable prizes to boot!

Tell us what you read on your summer vacation: It’s our Kinky Book Report Contest!

You put all that effort into reading the latest kinky titles and what do you have to show for it, besides learning new skills, being entertained, and increasing your understanding of human sexuality? Nothing, that’s what – Until now…

Win a complete set of all the Daedalus Publishing books and a $100 gift certificate or one of our other fabulous prizes – It’s so easy, here’s what you do:

1) Read a book (It can be any book as long as it’s available on www.stockroom.com)
2) Write a report in the following format

Title of book:

Author:

Publisher:

Number of pages:

Summary: (250 words or less about what it was about and your opinion)

That’s it! Send your kinky book report to contest@stockroom.com and make sure to include contact info and preferred method of contact. We’ll publish a few of the best reports we receive, and award a grand prize to our favorite. Everyone who has their report published will get a prize! Be sure to enter by August 30 for your chance to win! Read the legal mumbo jumbo below:

Must be 18 years or older to enter. No purchase necessary. All entries become legal property of The Stockroom. You agree to relinquish all rights to your work product, and grant us license to use in promotional, marketing and commercial materials in perpetuity. Void where prohibited by law. All entries must be received by August 30, 2013.

G-Vibe Video Review: Enter To Win One Of Your Own!

Ducky Doolittle shares her impressions of the G-Vibe in this fun, informative video review! Don’t just take her word for it! Enter the contest for a chance to win one for yourself! (see contest details below)




Enter our 48-Hour contest today for a chance to WIN a G-Vibe!

Has the curious curves of the unique G-Vibe got you interested in all the fun you can have? Here’s your chance to win your very own G-Vibe from Stockroom! Good Luck!

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Fun Factory Big Boss Vibrator Review & Enter To Win Your Own!

This powerful waterproof vibrator from Fun Factory is sure to give you earth-shaking orgasms with its extra-large realistic shape and intense vibration functions! Check out my review of first impressions and how I learned to love this toy, and enter to win this amazing toy and see for yourself! (see contest details below)

Plenty of people I’ve talked to hit it right out of the park on the first try with the Fun Factory G4 Big Boss. For whatever reason, perhaps my body type or the way I’m used to receiving pleasure, the Big Boss and I had to spend a little quality time together before hitting it off. Once we clicked, however, we became inseparable!

This vibrator is naturally suited toward those that prefer deep rumbly vibration, like a larger area of the clit and vulva stimulated, and/or those that favor insertables. I’m used to toys that do other things, hence why I had to go through a bit of a learning curve. I’m glad I stuck with it and kept experimenting. The Big Boss is now among my favorite insertable style vibrators.

Vibrations
The powerful, deep rumbly vibrations the Big Boss dishes out feel much different than your average buzzy vibrator. When set to its highest setting, it has a power level on par with a plug-in magic wand style toy. One thing I really liked about this vibrator is it didn’t cause me to lose sensation. Often, when I use very powerful vibes, they are so intense my genitals end up going numb before I’ve had the chance to come. Not the case with the Big Boss. It’s still an intensely powerful sex toy but didn’t deaden sensation. I’m not quite sure how Fun Factory pulled that off (secret vibrator magic?) but they get big kudos from me for getting me off without making me go numb.

Design and Use
The Big Boss vibrator can be used for either external clitoral stimulation or as an insertable. I found it great for both. My preferred method of getting off is having a clit orgasm first and then finishing off with g-spot play. I usually have to switch toys for this but not necessary with the Big Boss. I get everything all in one toy.

As an insertable it’s big. Definitely not for those new to insertion or those who need something on the smaller side. Luckily, I love size so the 6.5 inch insertable length and 5.5 inch circumference was perfect for me. Made from velvety, premium silicone, this sex toy has enough give to bend a just a little bit under pressure which I like. Because of it’s size, I did need to make sure I was very warmed up before insertion. Make sure you use a good amount of water based lube with this toy, not only because of it’s size but also the soft silicone exterior has just a bit of drag. The Big Boss also features six levels of intensity and a variety of patterned and solid pulses.

The loop on the handle is great addition. It makes the toy very easy to hold either during solo play or by a partner. Kinky folks may opt to use the looped handle as a point of attachment in a bondage scenario. To keep the vibrator inserted, securely weave through the handle with a rope harness. Not sure if Fun Factory had that in mind when they designed this sex toy but the handle really is quite convenient for bondage enthusiasts.

I also love that this is a rechargeable vibrator. I hate fumbling with batteries or finding my toy has lost power because the batteries aren’t fresh. The Big Boss charges with a magnetic charger that simply adheres itself to the handle of the toy. It’s a brilliant design in theory, however, the magnet can become easily detached if it shifts when you set it down. Simply double check to make sure the magnet hasn’t shifted before you walk away from the charging toy and you shouldn’t have a problem.

My Experience and Final Word
The Big Boss and I had a rocky start because I tried to use it like a buzzy vibrator which is the kind I’m used to. Once I experimented and discovered some new techniques to go along with this new type of sensation, it was pure fireworks. Not only did I have great, strong, clitoral orgasms, it was also wonderful for g-spot stimulation. I’m not normally someone who likes vibrations for g-spotting (because I go numb inside as I previously mentioned) but the Big Boss was an exception. I climax and squirt every time with the Big Boss when I use it for g-spot stimulation. It also felt amazing when I inserted it, closed my legs and rocked my hips.

Overall, I was really impressed with the Fun Factory Big Boss. At first I didn’t think we’d hit it off but we’ve grown to be really good friends with lots of benefits. For more tips and tricks about the Big Boss make sure to watch my video review. In addition, here’s a quick recap of my pros and cons:

Fun Factory Big Boss Pros
• BIG! Great for size queens
• Rechargeable
• Deep, powerful, rumbly vibrations
• The different type of sensations are a nice change from toys that all feel the same
• Waterproof
• Premium Silicone
• Loop handle design is comfortable and can be incorporated into bondage ties
• Great for clitoral or g-spot stimulation

Fun Factory Big Boss Cons
• BIG! If you aren’t accustomed to size it may be too large for you
• The charger can be touchy, always double check it before walking away
• Not suitable for anal use (no flared base)

Get your own Big Boss Vibrator and enjoy BIG fun today!


Enter our 48-Hour contest today for a chance to WIN a Fun Factory G4 Big Boss Vibrator!

Now that you’ve got the scoop on the dirty details of the Fun Factory G4 Big Boss and how it can quickly become one of the best tools in your box, enter for a chance to win your very own from Stockroom! Good luck!

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Tenga Egg Masturbators Review & Enter to Win All 6 Eggs!

Tenga Egg Masturbators make getting off fun, convenient, and cheap whether you are a man on the go or just relaxing at home! Check out my review and tips on these popular disposable sex toys and then enter the Stockroom contest to win a set of all 6 for yourself (see contest details below)



Sometimes men are resistant to try new things. Sex toys seem alien and foreign to some guys, so they need an easy way to break their sex toy cherry. The Tenga Egg is the single best male starter toy in stores today.

It is a squishy, textured male masturbator that you can take with you travelling anywhere. In fact, I got my first one as a surprise from my girlfriend when I was going on a business trip and she wanted to surprise me with a sexy gift. I was so happy to try something new, and to use a one shot device was novel. I loaded up my favorite nasty porn, lubed up myself and my egg then matched thrusts with the guy in the porn. When I finished, I cleaned myself up and was so happy I could just throw it away when I was done making sweet love to it. Mr Lazy here didn’t have to do any cleanup at all.

It is exceedingly simple to use. Unwrap the egg, take out the lube sample inside, open up the lube and squirt it inside the mastrubator. Watch some porn, get some wood, stick it in the warm wet egg, thrust and repeat until orgasm.

This set of toys is one of the best ideas that hit the mainstream sex toy market in a long time. It is an easy to use toy made for men, but usable by all. The concept is simple, a male masturbator sold individually or in 6 packs of 6 different textured eggs. Each plastic egg comes with with a Tenga Egg and a lube sample. The best part is figuring out which texture is best. So far the grid like Spider is my favorite. A close runner up is the Wavy. The names of the Six Colors Pack are a description of the textured pattern:

  • Wavy
  • Clicker
  • Spider
  • Twister
  • Stepper
  • Silky

They were originally intended to be a one shot use device, but can easily be re-used 3 to 4 times. They are made out of a stretchy elastomer called Thermo Plastic Elastomer. T.P.E. is a pliable jelly like substance that makes for a great, squishy, stretchy orgasmic experience.

I like the versatility and alternate uses you can do with it. You stretch it to such extremes that it can be used, not only as a solo device, but you can use it with your partner as a blowjob helper. Stretch it on the end of your cock and you get extra sensitivity, have someone suck your cock with it on for an extra interesting feeling. Handjobs and blowjobs aren’t the end to this little beauty, you can also use it as a cheap addition to a Kinklab VibeRite. Flip it inside out and use the textured side on the vibrating head of your VibeRite for added enjoyment on your favorite body part.

This toy is also one size fits all. It is pliable enough to fit even the largest cock. Once you can get someone to try this great starter toy, then you have opened up a whole new world of sexual enjoyment. Have fun experimenting with them and don’t forget to write us back if you find a use for these we haven’t thought of!

Pros of the Tenga Egg
  • Disposable
  • Alternative uses
  • Easy to use
  • Comes with lube
  • Lasts longer than they says it does

Cons of the Tenga Egg
  • You don’t know which texture is best for you until you try them all
  • Can make for an embarrassing moment at Easter (just kidding)
  • Better for beginners than seasoned sex toy pros

Enter our 24-Hour contest today for a chance to WIN ALL 6 Tenga Egg Masturbators!

You know you’re curious! Now that you’ve learned all about this stimulating toy, enter our contest for a chance to get a set of 6 of your own to play with! Good luck!

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Masturbation Month Contest! Enter to win a James Deen Realistic Dildo!

To help you celebrate Masturbation Month, we’re giving away a brand new James Deen Realistic Cock to one of our lucky followers! It only takes a few seconds to enter, but hurry up – the clock is TICKING, contest runs just 24 hours!

Simply enter below and choose your options of entry, up to 7 chances to win!

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Check out Sunny Megatron’s video review of the James Deen Realistic Dildo here!

Top Reasons to Enter Our Easter Contests!

Hey! You! Yeah, you! If you’ve managed to resist the siren call of Stockroom’s Easter Contest thus far, We’re here to tell you that you’re totally missing out! Here’s the 5 reasons you need to enter our contests by 11:59pm this Sunday night!

5) Sure, navigating your way through our site may seem time consuming, but you’ll also be *ahem* boning up on great gear for gifts or for yourself! Plus, have you seen those hot one-of-a-kind bunny hoods?

4) Keeping up with us through our social networks and newsletters also keeps you in the loop for more contests, discounts, and hot new additions to the site!

3) It’s kind of a treasure hunt, and who doesn’t love a treasure hunt, hmmmm?

2) No, seriously, look at these Bunny Hoods We aren’t going to sell them, so the only way to win one is to enter the Egg Hunt Contest!

1) If you were having a contest, we would totally enter it. Plus, your chances of winning are significantly better than winning the lottery, and they aren’t even giving away a sweet custom leather bunny hood.

What are you waiting for? Check the rules and guidelines and enter to win NOW!

Easter Contest! Win a Custom One-of-a-Kind Bunny Hood!

Stockroom 2013 Easter Egg Contest

If there’s one thing we love about Easter it’s the thought of a giant bunny sneaking into our homes in the wee hours of the morning and leaving you delicious sweets and treats crammed in secret places! We honor this tradition of fun and furry home invasion with our own annual Stockroom Easter Egg Hunt.

Enter for a chance to win a custom original Bunny Hoods, available in your choice of Pink with Blue eyes or Black and Red Patent Leather (detailed hood photos below the rules), and our bonus contest for a chance to win a $250 Gift Certificate!

Easter Egg Contest Rules (you must follow ALL of these steps to win):
Grand Prize: Your Choice of Custom Bunny Hood!Stockroom Easter Contest Egg

1. Find ALL 3 eggs. The three hidden eggs are all identical and they all look exactly like the egg on right. They are hidden on different product pages on the Stockroom website, and you must find all three to win. And no, the image on this page doesn’t count!

2. Email contest@stockroom.com with the LINKS to ALL 3 pages on which you found the eggs. Subject line of the email must read: “Easter Egg Contest Entry.” Please include your full name, email address, date of birth (for age verification), and preferred contact method so that we can actually TELL you that you’ve won.

3. All entries must be received by 11:59PM Pacific Time on Sunday March 31, 2013.

No purchase necessary. Limit one entry per household. Contest is only open to residents of the continental United States, ages 18 and over. All entries must adhere to the above stated guidelines to be entered in the drawing. Winners will be notified of results by April 5, 2013.

Don’t fret if you don’t win. EVERYONE who successfully finds all three eggs and emails us the link will win SOMETHING… so the search is worth it!

Feeling lazy but still want to win? Here are more ways to earn entries into our other drawing for a $250 Gift Certificate! This is a separate drawing from our Easter Egg Hunt Contest – you may enter both contests or just one, your chances of winning are up to you!

Multiple ways to enter:
Grand Prize: $250 Gift Certificate

1. Like us on Facebook – Stockroom OR MaleStockroom (1 entry)

2. Follow us on Twitter – @stockroom_com OR @malestockroom (1 entry)

3. Follow us on Pinterest – The Stockroom (1 entry)

4. Follow us on Google+ – Stockroom.com (1 entry)

5. Tweet our contest on Twitter – “Enter to win a $250 gift certificate or Bunny Hood from @Stockroom_com! Contest Rules here: http://ow.ly/jgwZD #contest” (1 entry)

6. Update your blog with a post about our contest (must include links to this contest page) (2 entries)

7. Sign up for our newsletter (1 entry)

Entry Rules:

1. You may post and update your status/blog as many times as you like, but each type of entry will only be counted once. If you are already a Facebook fan, Twitter, Pinterest or G+ follower and/or newsletter subscriber, just let us know (see Entry Rule #2), it will still count as an entry.

2. You MUST send an email to contest@stockroom.com including the following information: which tasks you completed, and usernames and/or links and/or email (for newsletter sign up) for each so that we can verify. Please include your full name, email address, date of birth (for age verification), and preferred contact method as well.

3. All entries must be received by 11:59PM Pacific Time on Sunday March 31, 2013.

4. No purchase necessary. Limit one entry per household. Contest is only open to residents of the continental United States, ages 18 and over. Employees of Stockroom, Inc. are not eligible for prizes. All entries must adhere to the above stated guidelines to be entered in the drawing. Winners will be notified of results by April 05, 2013.

And remember, everyone who enters our drawings is a winner! Each person that enters either contest will get a prize (only 1 entrance prize per household, regardless of entering just one or both drawings, however you will still be eligible to win both grand prizes).

Here’s a look at the Easter Egg Hunt Grand Prize! One of these custom one-of-a-kind leather bunny hoods could be yours! Click images for a closer look at the goods:

Devil Bunny Hood Front Devil Bunny Hood Back
Pink Bunny Hood Back Pink Bunny Hood Front

Readers Choice: Stockroom’s “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Bonus Contest

We enjoyed our “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” contest and all the great submissions so much, we thought we’d extend it for one more day and offer you the chance at a bonus prize- Readers Choice!

We’ve chosen 10 additional entries and we are giving you 24 hours to vote on your favorite.
The entry with the most votes, chosen by YOU will receive a $100 Stockroom Gift Certificate!

Each of the entries listed below has been titled and it’s up to you to comment on this post with the title of your favorite story.

Votes will be tallied and winner announced by 6PM PST on Feb 14th.

Thanks again to everyone that participated in the “Worst Valentine’s Ever Contest”!

Never Forget Your Trunk  - WINNER!

  • Everybody Loves a Teddy
  • The Road Trip to Perdition
  • Bit by the Love Bug
  • Un-Romancing the Stone
  • It’s Not Super Effective
  • Pandora’s Box
  • A Quaint, Rustic Getaway
  • Not-So-Special Delivery
  • Mistaken Identity

Expand this page to read all 10 entries!

Continue reading Readers Choice: Stockroom’s “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Bonus Contest

Announcing The Winners of Stockroom.com’s “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Contest!

The past week we’ve heard from a lot of you, sharing your awkward tales of Valentine’s dates past and the days and nights that…didn’t quite turn out as planned.

We came together in deep discussion and mulled over the submissions to find the perfect stories that really captured that not-so-awesome feeling and after a much heated debate, the votes are in!

Ladies and gentleman, we present to you the winners for the “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever!”

A huge thank you to all the brave souls who were willing to share with us their anecdotes. We truly enjoyed reading all of them and we hope that this upcoming holiday, and every Valentine’s Day to come, is filled with very happy and very sexy memories.

    Grand Prize Gift Pack Winner –

Pitching a Tent

I have been married for years, and I love my husband, but our first Valentine’s Day takes the cake. We were young and in love and it was going to be a Valentine’s Day to remember. Our idealistic selves thought we would have more than enough love for just one day so we had plans to spread the holiday out over a few days.

We had booked a campsite by the beach for a relaxing week away. Yes, it is February and not all people are up for winter camping, but I’m no slouch when it comes to winter camping. Growing up, I was the girl that went on the Boy Scout trips with my brother and his troop.
However, it was camping in the South, so it was supposed to be in the 60s during the day, the 50s at night; a totally comfortable temperature.

Now, the day before we were slotted to leave, my husband and his best friend go out for drinks, my husband gets a little tipsy and asks his friend to drive home. Now his friend, let’s call him Bob, knows that the car is a little old and has been told every time he has been in the car not to open the driver side window. It could have been the booze or the time of night but Bob figured my husband needed some fresh air and rolled down the windows. When they got home, I found out that my husband had sobered up enough to realize the motor for the front window had finally died and that the window was stuck in the down position and was not moving. We taped a bag to the car and called it a night.

The next morning instead of getting up early and getting on the road like we were supposed to do, my husband sleeps in. In his early morning haze he tells me he wants to sleep in because we have plenty of time. This drives me crazy, but I figured, sure we have time what else could go wrong?

I shouldn’t have asked the question.

When my husband finally got up, in the afternoon, mind you, he called his father and they spent four hours trying to fix the window. At that point I’m a little antsy because we have several hours on the road and still have to set up the tent. My father-in-law generously offers to lend us his truck: it has wheels and will get us where we need to go (it has no radio). We put all of our things into the back bed of the truck and hit the road.

My husband and I enjoy taking road trips together, but as soon as we hit the interstate I’m out like a light. I wake up after 8PM as we are almost to the campground. We set up our big six person tent, for the two of us. I put a tarp up over the tent as they are expecting a little rain over the next few days and then try to start a fire. This might have all been very romantic if the wind wasn’t gusting and blowing out the attempts at starting a fire. Instead of a warm fire to snuggle up in front and warming up our freeze dried dinner, we had to use cold water in our freeze dried dinner. And let me tell you cold water is NOT good in freeze dried food, it gets the job done but the taste leaves A LOT to be desired. We decided that if the wind was going to keep us from cooking over a fire the next day we would go out and get a camp stove to make life a little easier. With that we called it a night so we could get back on the road early in the morning and get into town for better supplies.

We get up early and drive into town to head to the local big box store. I sent him in to get a few necessities we forgot, condoms, as well the camp stove. I know I should have expected something was up when my husband came out of the store with a smirk on his face but he got in the car gave me a kiss and handed me a cactus.

To be clear, I have one request for Valentine’s Day as well as my birthday, flowers. For whatever reason, he thinks that flowers are supposed to be a surprise, so instead of getting me what I ask for he gets me a cactus. I ask “Why a cactus, why not flowers?”, and Mr. Sensitivity says that I shouldn’t be able to kill the cactus. I sigh heavily; when a girl wants flowers for Valentine’s Day she wants flowers.

My husband had thoughtfully found an art house theater, in the area that was playing a foreign film. The movie was billed as a love story about a two people from Hong Kong that moved to the US to go to school, that was heartwarming and quirky. The movie was “supposedly” a Chinese love story, I say supposedly because it was awful. At this point all I can remember is it was about Communist in bell bottoms and abortions, it was awful and not a heartwarming love story in the slightest. We were in the theater on a Valentine’s Day date and after about an hour of this horrible movie we were bound and determined to make the best of the situation. We started making out in the theater but the talk of abortions in the background was just too much. I suggested we leave and my husband agreed. We made it back to the campsite just in time to miss the sunset over the water, but we were not to be deterred. We were going to have a sexy romantic Valentine’s Day if it killed us, I mean we didn’t get those condoms for nothing. I do a sexy strip tease for my husband that ends with me gingerly tearing open the condom and rolling it down over his penis.

Fast forward not even 5 thrusts later and I hear “Oh, no”. Immediately my mind goes to the talk of abortions in the movie, did he come and the condom rip? To my relief and just a little horror, no, the condom had just come off. Apparently the brand was not his usual but instead of coming off nicely or realizing what had happened it came off inside me with one thrust and the next seemed to get it solidly logged somewhere near my cervix. This lead to what we now lovingly refer to as the “condom fishing game”. Both he and I proceeded to try and find the condom and get it out of my vagina for what seemed like hours, but was probably no more than a few minutes. At this point we didn’t have the mental willpower to want to continue so we called it a night.

The next morning was our last full day of our Valentines vacation, we got up early and cuddled as we listened to water droplets bounce off the tent. As it was getting cold outside we took the campstove into the tent to cook breakfast, no sooner than we finished cooking did we hear the water droplets go from little splats of water to little thuds of ice.

Sure it was cold but we had full plates and hoped to have full bellies but that was not to be the case. The winds picked up and started to buffet the tent, then without warning crack a tent pole snapped and the tent collapsed on our heads. We tossed on our jackets over our PJs and tried to get things together and put them in the truck. With the bitter cold temperatures and the gale force winds we gave up and just lifted the tent as a whole into the back of the truck. My husband tried to get the tarp I tied up down but with the wind and cold his fingers just could not undo the knots, eventually with a little help from me we got it down and into the bed of the truck. We piled into the cab turned the heat on high and looked at each other trying to figure out what to do next.

We still had another day at the campsite but now we had no tent and the wintery mix was starting to stick to the ground. I had family that lived close enough that we could get to them within an hour so we made the call that going to spend the last romantic day with family was better than staying at the campsite.

Upon arriving we were stripped out of our cold wet clothes and given warm blankets and tubs of warm water to soak our extremities in. We were thankful for the warmth. By the afternoon the temperature had completely shifted and the ground had melted and the birds were out and chirping, tweeting about how the day was beautiful almost rubbing in the fact that without the tent we couldn’t enjoy camping. It was now about 70 degrees and beautiful.

I felt bad that we didn’t have a smooth Valentine’s Day vacation and our last night was going to be spent on the pull out couch at my family’s home. I wanted to do something nice, something I though my husband would love. I knew I could make fettuccine alfredo: he loves it, I love it, what could go wrong?

I put the noodles on the stove and started on the sauce. Just when I thought we were on a clear path, the top to the garlic powder fell off dumping the entire contents of the jar into the pan. I tried to get out as much as I could but the sauce just soaked it up. The sauce still smelled good and we are both big garlic fans. I thought I might have salvaged it enough for it to be palatable, and it was palatable if not a bit garlicky.

OH, the unintended consequence. We could find each other in the dark for days after we reeked of garlic that much. The family even commented that they thought we had spilled garlic in the living room it was so strong oozing out of our pores.

We went home the next day more frazzled than when we left, it wasn’t the romantic getaway that we had planned. It was an unmitigated disaster. The only upside is that we are still together and with time, a lot of time, we have come to laugh at just how awful that memorable Valentine’s was.

    2nd Place $50 Gift Certificate Winner –

The Show Must Go On

This doubles as not only my worst Valentine’s, but also the worst date I’ve EVER been on.

My boyfriend’s uncle was playing a background part in a local production of the opera Carmen. Kenny told me that he had free tickets because of it and wanted to take me for Valentine’s. I got so excited because I love the opera and had always wanted to go to a live show and thought it would be great for a VDay date. I was proven incredibly wrong.

Here I am, dressed to kill, waiting to be picked up. It’s not his car that picks me up. It’s his aunt, with him in the passenger seat. I asked about dinner and was told that both of them had already eaten, so there were no plans to eat at all. We got to the venue, where he takes me to the ticket counter and tells me that I had to purchase my own ticket. I asked about the free tickets he said he had. “Oh, yeah. We got two free tickets, one for me and the other for my aunt. I never had a third one for you.” I didn’t have the money to buy my own ticket. When I explained this to him, his response was the most embarrassing thing I think anyone could do. He started panhandling to complete strangers to get me a ticket. I couldn’t believe it. He somehow was able to gather up the money to buy me the ticket, but every part of me didn’t want to stay there. Anyway, so the show starts, and i’m in the most amazing seat, except that I’m nowhere near the boyfriend and the aunt. I was however, dead center on the bottom floor, right about in the middle of the rows. Not too far forward or too far backwards. Just perfect. However, I decided that it would be more appropriate though, if I were sitting with my own company. So after intermission, I went to sit with them…only to find that I was at the very back of the right wing and could barely see a thing. “free tickets for family” apparently meant all the seats they knew they’d never fill. The worst part of everything was afterwards, when I confronted him about how terrible the night was, he didn’t see how he’d done anything wrong.

    3rd Place $25 Gift Certificate Winner –

Three’s Company

My worst valentines day was three years ago. My boyfriend at the time invited me over for what I thought was a romantic evening. When I got there, I discovered he had also invited a close gal friend of ours. This girl also happened to be a school crush of his back in the day. We had a few drinks, and started playing a game called what the f*ck (a question game where you have to choose your most desired result of some very off the wall scenario). It was halfway through the scenario, the question was ‘would you still have sex with your high school crush, even if you were with someone at the time’. He looked her dead in the face, and said yes. She stared at him, clearly appauled, then looked at me with a look of fear and apology. After a few moments of awkward silence, I got up, dumped both my drink and my ashtray in his lap, flicked him off, and stormed out. I made sure to drop and crush the box of chocolates he had bought me into his creme colored carpet too. Our gal friend texted me 20 mins later, asked if she could come over and talk. When she showed up apologizing and in tears, she proceeded to tell me that I hadn’t even left his driveway, and he had tried to kiss her. Smart move wise guy. Needless to say, neither of us talked to him again.

We were also inspired to give a consolation gift to this entry. As a second chance for this couple, we’re sending them our new BedSpread Under Bed Bondage Straps and a set of cuffs!

Showing Restraint

So a few years ago my now fiance and I decided to try BDSM. For valentine’s day. I spent weeks saving up money to buy some semi decent gear. We had the basics like silk ties but I just never did enjoy light bondage. I remember specifically buying an under the bed restraint system because we could easily set it up in a hotel room during our limited time together. There were a few other things like a small crop and collar that were basic and cheap but for a college student they cost a small fortune.

Well Valentine’s day rolls around and I get in my little car to drive the hour and a half to see him. I buy the hotel room for the day and set up everything before going to pick him up for a romantic lunch. At this point everything is pretty much going as planned. Then suddenly it wasn’t.

Between me calling to say I had reached town and actually arriving at his dorm he had gotten another phone call. His grandfather had passed away. We spent the day curled up on a couch. A hotel room full of bondage gear he never got to see. It was great that I was there to console him, but truly, it was a terrible way to spend Valentine’s day.

The worst part? Going back to the tiny hotel and packing up all the gear back in my bag and turning the keycard in early and telling the owner that the room didn’t even need to be cleaned. I don’t remember what I told her but I think she assumed I had been stood up. The next time we went back to the hotel she was thrilled to see we had “made up” and gave us the room at a ridiculous discount. The gear we had saved up so much money for went to my best friend. We just couldn’t look at it or use it without being reminded of that Valentine’s day. She still uses the under the bed restraint system. One day we will have to get around to purchasing another one, to actually use this time around.

Stockroom “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” Contest – Even More Entries!

This weekend is your last chance to enter our “Worst Valentine’s Date Ever” contest! Here are more melancholy missives to get your creative juices flowing:

Un-Romancing the Stone

Well without a doubt it was 1990. I was all set for an evening of romance and of course deliciously wicked sex. I had picked up a few new toys, and nice bottle of wine, and of course chocolates. My ex had sent our son to the grandparents, made dinner and picked up a video for after. All day at work I had thoughts of what the fun we were going to have that evening. Diner was excellent, we were having a great time and then she went and popped in the video into the VCR. The screen flickered and I wondered what we were about to watch, would it be a classic romance? a porn? NOOOOO it was perhaps the least romantic film I have ever seen, it was the 1989 film War of the Roses. It is a black comedy about a wealthy couple with a seemingly perfect marriage. When their marriage begins to fall apart, material possessions become the center of an outrageous and bitter divorce battle. Needless to say there was no sexy time that night. The moral of the story is never let her pick the film.

It could have been worse. She could have picked ‘Hoffa’ or ‘Jack the Bear.’


The Show Must Go On

This doubles as not only my worst Valentine’s, but also the worst date I’ve EVER been on.

My boyfriend’s uncle was playing a background part in a local production of the opera Carmen. Boyfriend told me that he had free tickets because of it and wanted to take me for Valentine’s. I got so excited because I love the opera and had always wanted to go to a live show and thought it would be great for a VDay date. I was proven incredibly wrong.

Here I am, dressed to kill, waiting to be picked up. It’s not his car that picks me up. It’s his aunt, with him in the passenger seat. I asked about dinner and was told that both of them had already eaten, so there were no plans to eat at all. We got to the venue, where he takes me to the ticket counter and tells me that I had to purchase my own ticket. I asked about the free tickets he said he had. “Oh, yeah. We got two free tickets, one for me and the other for my aunt. I never had a third one for you.” I didn’t have the money to buy my own ticket. When I explained this to him, his response was the most embarrassing thing I think anyone could do. He started panhandling to complete strangers to get me a ticket. I couldn’t believe it. He somehow was able to gather up the money to buy me the ticket, but every part of me didn’t want to stay there. Anyway, so the show starts, and i’m in the most amazing seat, except that I’m nowhere near the boyfriend and the aunt. I was however, dead center on the bottom floor, right about in the middle of the rows. Not too far forward or too far backwards. Just perfect. However, I decided that it would be more appropriate though, if I were sitting with my own company. So after intermission, I went to sit with them…only to find that I was at the very back of the right wing and could barely see a thing. “free tickets for family” apparently meant all the seats they knew they’d never fill. The worst part of everything was afterwards, when I confronted him about how terrible the night was, he didn’t see how he’d done anything wrong.

We’re guessing that this Night at the Opera was followed by A Night in the Doghouse.

Don’t miss out on your chance to win over $400 worth of great prizes, including the brand new Red and Black Neon Wand! Everyone who enters gets something, so turn your misery into profit today! Contest ends at 11:59PM PST this Sunday night!